Commitment in Long-Term Relationships

Applying the Framework

Commitment is the key issue in important relationships. That applies whether the relation is with a loved one, an employer, a discipline, a cause, or anything else. However, I intend to focus here on personal relationships.

Does that commitment have anything to do with the commitment that lies at the heart of creativity? Yes! Naturally.

An intimate relationship may exist for the pleasures of the moment when creative demands are minimal—just sufficient to create a sense of intoxication. Or it may be about creating a life together—which is perhaps the biggest challenge that most of us face.

«Creating a life together» demands creativity. It fits our definition: something new and valuable has to be brought into existence. Somewhat unusually, there are two closely related challenges whose protagonists view each other as part of that challenge.

The framework for being creative requires no change, but re-naming Manage the Project-RG5_T as Manage the Relationship-RG5_T clarifies and affirms the focus in this application.

Reminder: This management refers to dealing efficiently and effectively with the basics of an ongoing life together: shelter, food, work, family, social life, health, recreation &c.

The Star of Commitment

The Tree diagram is simplified at right to allow a sharper focus on the Star of Commitment. The Channels in the Star show that every Centre except use willpower-RG1_B connects to commitment.

Above all, perhaps, it is an adventure that takes courage and, because the two people grow and their relationship evolves, it will never stop requiring courage.

The creative enthusiasm that feeds commitment (and vice versa) flows via excitement and celebrations.

It is not all fun, however. Realities in the upper part of the Tree must be handled. If the relationship is to survive the storms and rocks of reality, then a readiness to exert discipline on oneself and others (children, friends) is necessary: e.g. in regard to messiness, use of alcohol and sexuality.

There may be a history of common activities or interests that generates a social entanglement. As the relationship develops, these often become even more binding: e.g. via a house, children, career, circle of friends.

Spiritual-experiential entanglement is highly significant for any creative process, and especially so in this application. In the early days, each party puts wishes and fantasies onto the unknown and may be extremely gratified by compliance with these. However, over time, each gets disappointed or frustrated (and possibly surprised or amazed) as illusions crumble and self-assertion increases. Nevertheless, entanglement remains, because a life together involves a journey into the unknown with continuous growth and occasional shocks. In negotiating these states, each partner must be ready to apply new insights and that takes boldness. If the relationship is well-managed, there may be some turmoil but no lasting harm.

That leaves one more significant Channel to consider in The Star: practical entanglement. How do the two lives actually get entangled? The shaping of entanglement is dependent on deepening conviction. See more here.

Note that the choice of entanglement is affected by the one Centre that has no direct connection to commitment: Use willpower-RG1. Why? Because the die has been cast and the choice has been made.

So focus now on the effects of willpower and the significance of conviction.
You can also see the whole framework here.

Originally posted: 30-Mar-2012