Personal pain easily interferes with interpersonal interactions, and these do not run smoothly at the best of times. Everyone has views about how to put relationships right, and societies commonly have customs and rituals. However, there is a human dimension that is independent of any situation, any relationship, any personality, any society, or any culture.
Given your existence as a human being, you must take action to ensure your interpersonal dealings are infused with goodness. Five techniques exist for directly handling personal and interpersonal experiences of pain and suffering.
Purify Yourself-R"G35
Purification is about freeing yourself (i.e. your mind, your being) from anything that debases, contaminates or pollutes your goodness. It is arguably the most powerful of the 5 healing techniques because it can activate any of the others, release virtue and do much more. See details in a dedicated topic.
Purify comes from L. purificare = to make pure, to cleanse. It emerged c.1300 meaning to "free from spiritual pollution". Pure comes from L. purus which derives from Gk. pyr/pur = fire.
The Greek term for repentance is metanoia, which also means "to think differently" or "change one's mind or purpose". This is precisely the result of self-purification. The dark force is a thought, usually connected to an emotion or identification, which needs to lose its power over you through your own willing personal effort.
The religious notion assumes a state of guilt, but this may not be significant in every case: e.g. a person may experience an entitlement that requires re-thinking and removal. Theologically, repentance also includes a resolve not to fall into the same error again, and a demand to put matters right where possible.
From L. redemptio = to buy back, redeem, release. Redemption is commonly described in religions as an attempt to remove evil from the soul or be released from the bondage of sin. In THEE, redemption is the name given to a Channel with this function in the Tree of Good and Evil that is about sustaining human existence. Each religion has a doctrine explaining how evil should be removed. Although this is not possible for a human being on a permanent basis, the refinement of personal states in the direction of goodness is a common non-doctrinal thread. This is identical to self-purification.
Make Sacrifices-R"G34
Sacrifice is about giving up something or permitting injury to yourself or accepting disadvantage for the sake of someone or something felt to be of greater value. It may be to enable continuance or growth, or to prevent harm that would otherwise occur.
Sacrifice comes from L. sacrifico based on sacer = holy, sacred + facio = do, make. It emerged c.1300 meaning to "offer something of value to a deity".
This is a determined rejection or abandonment of something that is or was of value. If there is self-denial or forbearance, there may be a sacrifice. However, renunciation may be a move to a higher and better mode of living, and then it is not a sacrifice for the person involved. For Buddha, it meant giving up what was transient, relative and limited for what was transcendental, absolute and unlimited. That's a great deal! In Hinduism, the sanyasa stage is a dispassionate state of detachment from material things through a renunciation of worldly activities and pleasures for spiritual contemplation, continuing until death. However, this happens after the age of 50, when sexual, career, and family drives are satiated, and the move is natural, or even experienced as a relief from obligations.
Be Generous-R"G33
Generosity is about giving something tangible or intangible to another as a help for them, without regret and without any thought of reward or return of favours. The size of the gift is less relevant than its suitability and the manner in which it is bestowed.
Generosity comes from L. generasus = of noble birth. This derives from genus = kin, and Indo-European gen = beget. In 17C, the meaning shifted to a nobility of spirit; and this evolution continued through 18C, until the current meaning emerged in 19C.
The etymology of magnanimity is L. magn- = great, and L. animus = mind, soul. In its original use by Aristotle, it referred to a «great-souled» person … possibly the end result of the process of virtuous development being spelled out here; or possibly the quality associated with having great dreams-R"G7. The term became associated with the handling of those defeated in a war or other contest, and it is still associated with forgiveness. In more recent times, it has become associated with generosity, often on a large scale. When money is involved, «munificence» is sometimes used.
The opposite state is «pusillanimity» or small-mindedness. The pusillanimous man shies away from noble but arduous tasks and prefers to opt for whatever is easiest.
Be Forgiving-R"G32
Forgiveness is about ceasing to feel enmity or resentment towards whoever or whatever has caused suffering or damage. It is about moving on from a negative frame of mind and letting go of a past event. The event may refer to another, or to oneself, or to society and life generally.
Forgive comes from O.E. forgiefan = completely + give, from Germanic vergeben = pardon. Pardon comes from per = thoroughly + donare = to give. It emerged c.1300 meaning "passing over an offence without punishment".
Mercy originates from L. merces = price paid, wages, reward, and refers to kind or gentle treatment of someone who would normally suffer because of their helplessness or be punished for what they have done. Pardon refers to withholding punishment for an offence.
Be Grateful-R"G31
Gratitude is a state of thankfulness and appreciation for what has been received. It counter-balances the intrinsic pain, suffering and difficulties of living. There are no conditions or requirements here. Buddha is the brutal Eastern realist: "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." Meister Eckhardt speaks for the West: "If the only prayer that you said in your whole life was 'thank you', that would suffice."
Gratitude comes from L. gratitudinem = thankfulness, and L. gratus = pleasing, thankful, agreeable, and originally from Indo-Iran & Baltic terms = to praise. It emerged c.1550.
Renunciation