Pairing Methods & Existential Styles
Two Complementary Requirements
We might wish to use all of these . However, in practice, each of us finds ourselves gravitating to the regular use of one principally. Unconsciously and consciously, we identify with it as our principal way to ensure a .
We also typically identify with a second as well, and for a good reason. Self-assertion and external confirmation complement each other, and both are needed for a satisfactory existence. That is why we unconsciously choose one from each diagonal set.
The does have a natural rationale in that mental demands are simplified if the pairing respects zonal differences. Such an arrangement requires:
•Similar degree of focus on handling mental states—horizontal pairings.
OR
•Similar degree of focus on handling others—vertical pairings.
In the diagram here, you can see 4 horizontal and 4 vertical pairs that correspond to the labeled axes' zones.
Styles of Existence
The use of two methods simultaneously appears to generate a style for existing. We spontaneously comport ourselves in accord with this existential style whenever we can. It is the way to feel right about ourselves, to live properly and to resist mental disruption.
Life demands many diverse responses, so this personal style does not manifest all the time. Conversely, on occasion anyone may (and often should) show characteristics reflected in the other various style names—but we do so without getting the same mental-existential benefit.
Inner Circle: Similar Focus on Mental States
Shared Low Focus: Social & Emotional-Sensitive
The and are both located in a zone where inner experiences are altered in ways that serve the self.
involves altering personal values and goals to garner group affiliation and colleague support, for which simple association suffices.
By contrast, is about altering feelings so as to avoid psychic pain and anxiety or feelings of badness due to guilt, envy, jealousy, inferiority &c. More active engagement is required to ensure others take on the required emotional roles.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «considerate». They possess a sensitivity and, wherever possible, use it to ensure their interactions generate immediate good feelings in the other party as well as in themselves—feelings like appreciation, gratitude, likeability, respect, approval &c. This behavior smoothes association and aids engagement.
However, if power and control intrude as the way to serve self-interest, then interactions may be distorted and sensitivity may be used to deny or dump emotions. The style then changes to «manipulative».
Shared High Focus: Individual & Sensory
The and are both located in a zone where mental states are actively sought so as to feel everything is as it should be.
loosely associates with others in seeking to bolster self-esteem and enable personal achievement without wasting time in non-specific socializing.
By contrast, welcomes regular engagement with others as part of seeking positive contact and experiencing sensory pleasures while socializing in good company.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «attractive». Both association and engagement are simultaneously enabled, so neutralizing stresses caused by too much closeness or too much distance. It is easy to gravitate toward a person who knows himself, is an achiever, and invariably interacts amiably and positively, albeit somewhat superficially. This plays into the self-interest of everyone in the network in a natural and acceptable way.
However, if power and control intrude as the way to serve self-interest, then self-presentation may be narcissistically refined and an artificiality will intrude. The style then changes to «charming» or «phoney».
Inner Circle: Similar Focus on Others
Shared Low Focus: Social & Individual
The and are both located in a zone of association with others and avoid close personal interactions and commitments.
is about alteration of mental states and that entails self-adjustment to fit values of associates in current groups.
By contrast, uses association with others, often but not necessarily in groups, as part of a search for inner confirmation of self-worth and to win respect.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «deliberative». Because the group wishes to use you and you wish to use the group, you must determine exactly whether and how interests align, and how group and personal values and goals interact. This requires a careful weighing of pros and cons, costs and benefits, strategy and tactics. Such a process involves both searching for and altering mental states so as to reach a personally satisfactory and socially viable resolution.
However, if power and control intrude as the way to serve self-interest, then a better descriptor for this style might be «cold and calculating».
Shared High Focus: Emotional-Sensitive & Sensory
The and are both located in a zone of engagement with others: so making connections is significant.
uses personal engagements to alter mental states so as to feel balanced and deal with inner pain or negative emotions.
By contrast, activates engagement within a network in a search for positive input and pleasures that deal with boredom, loneliness and stresses.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «instinctive». Inner feelings are being altered as part of a search for pleasure that is relevant and self-sustaining. Emotionality and sensitivity emerge here in a spontaneous and natural way. Interactions that provide mutual reinforcement using social conventions are also easy and natural.
However, if power and control intrude to serve self-interest, then engagement will not be a positive social event. Complicated or acrimonious relations may emerge as emotions get released or dumped without concern for others. A better descriptor then is «reactive» or even «exploitative».
Also see: the reluctant loner.
Outer Circle: Similar Focus on Mental States
In the outer circle, the cannot serve self-interest by using power-centred tactics like force or deception. These extreme methods demand a genuine personal commitment that confers a resistance to socially based urges.
Horizontal pairings paradoxically combine both maximum and minimum attention to others.
Shared Very Low Focus: Vital & Emotional-Empathic
The and are both located in the zone of acceptance of mental states.
can accept mental states because the dissociation from others means that these are unlikely to cause interpersonal or social disruption.
By contrast, accepts mental states because they are securely contained and will enable a close involvement with others without undue fears or obligations.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «passionate». The combination of dissociation and involvement appears to lead to an intensity of thought, feeling and action which is just accepted and allowed to run its course. The is explicitly body-oriented, while are also bodily states. Being biological, both release instinctual drives that generate an inner imperative. ensures a genuineness in the appreciation of mutual feelings, at least in the moment.
, who lived that way and died fighting in the Greek war of independence. You look for work environments where this is possible e.g. the fashion industry, professional dancing, gymnastics instruction. If the Shared Very High focus: Transpersonal & Relational
The and are both located in a zone where valuable and useful mental states are elusive and must be facilitated with disciplined care and effort.
uses faith to facilitate a spiritual approach to others. The inclination to benevolence towards all equally necessarily produces a dissociation.
By contrast, is about facilitating a suitable involvement that adjusts the value assigned to others and focuses on specific individuals.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «compassionate». Again we have the combination of dissociation and involvement, but now connected to a mastery of mental states. The spiritual perspective regards compassion as the highest and most fundamental conception of what any relationship requires. As developed in one of the better self frameworks
, being compassionate in a relationship involves creative exertion, helpfulness, knowledge of the other, and much more.
Also see: the loner by choice.
Outer Circle: Similar Focus on Others
The vertical pairings reveal a maximum exposure to mental states of all sorts.
Shared Very Low Focus: Vital & Transpersonal
The and are both located in a zone of dissociation from others.
accepts mental states of all sorts without given them undue attention because the focus is on fitness via activities and bodily functioning. This attitude is inevitably dissociated from others.
By contrast, actively facilitates the experience of ultimate values and other mental states in which spiritual forces operate. The goal here is to dissociate from mundane interactions and avoid distraction by others.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «dedicated». Egotistic attitudes and self-interest are removed to ensure an acceptance of whatever stresses emerge and a facilitation of relevant and needed mental states. This calls for a high level of personal discipline with a refusal to be distracted or take any easy option.
Shared Very High Focus: Emotional-Empathic & Relational
The and are both located in a zone of involvement with others.
actively accepts mental states of all sorts as the way to become involved with others, whoever they may be.
By contrast, facilitates mental states so as to enable a diverse selective involvement that is personally satisfactory.
Style
The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «intimate». In all cases closeness is facilitated and strong feelings that emerge are accepted without obligations or disconnection. Sharing of confidences is natural, and may be necessary as part of work or as part of being a loyal and helpful friend.
Click for the complete picture:►
- That completes the analysis of the .
- Now review the various comparisons.
Originally posted: 24-Oct-2014. Last updated 22-Dec-2014.
All posted material is part of a scientific project and should be regarded as provisional. Visitors are encouraged to think through the topics and propositions for themselves. Copyright © Warren Kinston 2009-2016.
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